Not feeling like myself anymore..

I just feel numb…never felt so much emptiness. I’m numb to my residents sadness, my dogs and cats, even my husband.. I almost feel like I’m forcing a puzzle piece in that doesn’t belong..and I’m that piece. Why does it seem that everything around me is ruined? Not what I wanted? What is it that I want? I don’t think I want this…this horrible feeling of truly not caring. The only thing I can think of when sitting here next to you..my big fat belly is in the way, when the hell did I get this double chin? My big stupid fat thighs are getting sweaty again for some reason even tho my ass hasn’t moved in like an hour.
I guess being numb is better than hating yourself..I’d rather feel nothing than feel that.